EPLpod: “Welcome to Europa,” says Arsenal to Chelsea

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Manchester City rack up the records with their win over Brighton, Arsenal welcome Chelsea to the Europa league while the Terriers’ ‘anywhere will do football’ secures a point and with it Premier League survival.

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EPLpod: Sayonara Stoke

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The Premier League says goodbye to Arsene Wenger and Stoke, newly crowned champions Manchester City are held to a goalless draw as Huddersfield claim a vital point in their bid for survival, while Chelsea and Liverpool keep the top four interesting.

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Alan Pardew claims to sleep in ‘race-car shaped bed’

Following on from West Brom’s victory against Manchester United at Old Trafford over the weekend, former Baggies boss Alan Pardew has released a statement claiming, apropos of nothing, that he sleeps in a race-car-shaped bed.

Pardew, who master-minded West Brom to 1 victory out of 18 games, also stated the new apartment he recently moved into was ‘THE place to be’ and his only regret from his stint at West Brom was ‘not moving in sooner’.

‘The facilities here in general are better than anything I’ve seen at most Premiership clubs. There is a great selection of Only Fools and Horses DVDs, a weights room and a Yates’ only a five minute walk away. Myself, Curbs and Tim usually go there for 80’s Wednesday’s. We like to dress up but Tim still insists on wearing the gilet over his pirate shirt. By the time the slow set comes on, Curbs is usually in tears, his mascara running, hair devoid of any discernible volume. I always sing to him, ‘Here Comes the Rain Again’. It may seem harsh and inappropriate, but anything’s possible when you’re The King.’

‘By the time the weekend is looming and I’ve screened all my Tinder matches, I focus on texting some motivational pearls to Jason Puncheon. He’s such a pro, so focussed on his game that he barely responds. He’ll be a big part of my legacy to the game.’

Pardew concluded his statement by insisting that since he left West Brom, he had received many attractive offers, including Marlene, 45, from Darlington and that he was already looking forward to next Wednesday.

EPLpod: United wave the white flag as City clinch title

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After taking the wind out of Manchester City’s sails last weekend, Jose Mourinho restores normality by bring the most underwhelming of climaxes to the Premier League season with a 1-0 home defeat to bottom of the table WBA handing the title to worthy champions City, Mark Hughes’ Southampton concede three goals for a third time in a row as they surrender a two goal lead to Chelsea while Palace clinch a vital win in their fight for survival.

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EPLpod: United comeback leaves City in tears

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Manchester City fans were left consoling one another in a pool of tears after United’s miraculous recovery in the Manchester derby put title celebrations on hold, the Merseyside derby turns into a lacklustre training exercise, while the real action in the Premier League heats up at the foot of the table as sorry Palace drop points late on yet again.

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EPLpod: Dele Alli not so sh*t after all

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Spurs win their first Premier League game at Stamford Bridge this century as Dele Alli’s double sinks Chelsea and provides a timely reminder to England boss Gareth Southgate, Manchester City edge closer to the title after a dominate display against Everton, while West Ham leave Southampton deep in relegation trouble.

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EPLpod: Dildo brothers under attack

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An eventful weekend of Premier League football saw West Ham fans falling just short of an all out mutiny at the London Stadium, Jose Mourinho wins the ugly way against bitter rivals Liverpool and Arsenal’s season is suddenly looking rosier as they follow up their impressive win over AC Milan with a comfortable victory against Watford.

All this and so much more in the latest episode of EPLpod:

EPLpod: Old lady schools Spurs

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Spurs’ Champions League dreams come to and end at Wembley as Juventus show their maturity, Manchester City and Liverpool qualify for the quarter-finals at a canter while Arsenal’s season hangs by a thread as they prepare for their clash with AC Milan.

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EPLpod: Taxi for Pardew!

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FA Cup fever hits the EPLpod as Robbie Savage gets caught taking a selfie, wonky lines have Jose Mourinho all bent out of shape and Alan Pardew’s takes WBA takes the lads on tour to Barcelona. What could possible go wrong?

Oh, and Mike also dishes up some of his world famous banana cream pie made with real condensed milk!

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EPLpod: Arsenal gets Kaned

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Harry Kane out guns Arsenal in the North London derby, Rafa Benitez gets one over old rival Jose Mourinho while Sergio Aguero scores a bag full of goals as Leicester come undone at the Etihad leaving Manchester City just 6 wins away from wrapping up the title!

Elsewhere, special guest host Paul does a dance in wooden shoes.

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EPLpod: Liverpool screwed by linesman?

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Liverpool and Spurs produce another “great advert for the Premier League” at Anfield, but were wonder goals from Mo Salah and Victor Wanyama overshadowed by the officials? Elsewhere in the Premier League, Alexis Sanchez gets off the mark for United, while Arsenal’s new boys give Big Sam’s Everton a drubbing.

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EPLpod: Post-Sanchez Arsenal still undefeated

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Arsenal maintain their 100% record post Sanchez after seeing off Chelsea to advance to the final of the Carabao Cup where they’ll face Manchester City, Manchester United show off their new official club pianist and is Ross Barkley actually any good?

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