Eat My Goal

Tag: Jose Mourinho

  • Starving Rojo scoffs banana mid-game after meal time cut

    Starving Rojo scoffs banana mid-game after meal time cut

    Marcos Rojo was forced into hurriedly eating a banana during Manchester United’s 1-0 win over Rostov on Thursday night, after meal time was scrapped in a desperate bid to save time in United’s bloated fixture schedule.

    Stomachs weren’t the only thing heard grumbling in the corridors at Old Trafford, as Jose Mourinho bemoaned a crowded fixture schedule which leaves his side with a paltry 72 hours to prepare for their game against Middlesbrough on Sunday.

    “We now have to play Middlesbrough at 12 o’clock on Sunday. Why? It should be Monday night, or at least the last game on Sunday. Every other country gives its support to teams playing in Europe but I don’t think the Premier League gives a ‘S’” spluttered Mourinho as he wolfed down a corned beef sandwich.

    United have played 41 competitive matches so far this season, more than any other Premier League club, forcing Mourinho to save precious time wherever he can, starting with the eating on the go solution speared headed by Rojo.

    With United kicking off at 12 o’clock on Sunday at the Riverside, it’s fair to say that a Sunday Roast including veg and potatoes, mounds of stuffing, gravy boats and Apple Crumble to wash it all down are completely out of the question.

  • Chelsea 1-0 Man United: 5 things we should’ve learned

    Chelsea 1-0 Man United: 5 things we should’ve learned

    1. Mourinho v Conte the big fight, would end in the first round with Mourinho hanging over the ropes.

    Mourinho and Conte argueing
    Mourinho’s body guard steps in just in time.

    2. N’golo Kante was three times cheaper than Paul Pogba but is at least three times better than his French compatriot.

    3. David de Gea is too good for a team that only has aspirations for 6th position in the Premier League.

    4. Michael Oliver can kill off a tie quicker than a referee can down a shot of tequila on a referees-only stag do.

    5. Antonio Conte has a long old way to go before he can proudly claim to be “Judas No.1”. To usurp the current holder, Jose Mourinho, of that acclaimed title he’ll need to win the Premier League title four times, get himself sacked twice and leave the club out of Europe, before joining a fierce rival.

  • EPLpod: Arsenal somehow manages to lose to Watford

    EPLpod: Arsenal somehow manages to lose to Watford

    Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal. Just when you think the Gunners might be able to put the brakes on Chelsea’s mark towards the title they bottle it against lowly Watford.

    Elsewhere, Mourinho deflects attention from his star studded sides inability to break down bottom of the table Hull by having a pop at Jurgen Klopp, Manchester City give West Ham another walloping and Liverpool rescue a point against Chelsea.

    Join Mike and Paul from EPLpod as they discuss all the action in the latest episode:

  • EPLpod: Will José Mourinho be the next Alex Ferguson?

    EPLpod: Will José Mourinho be the next Alex Ferguson?

    Song birds Mike and Paul turn EPLpod into a musical as they discuss Mane’s late winner in the Merseyside derby, Jose Mourinho unwrapping an early Christmas present, and their obsession with FIFA – the game.

    Listen to the latest episode of EPLpod below:

  • Hazard inspires Chelsea to victory, Mourinho banished to the stands!

    Hazard inspires Chelsea to victory, Mourinho banished to the stands!

    Mike and Paul from EPLpod take in the weekends Premier League action from down under!

    Jose Mourinho spends the weekend on the naughty step after losing his cool following his sides inability to beat plucky Burnley, Chelsea’s Eden Hazard looks back to his frightening best and Sergio Aguero proves he is worthy of starting spot after all following a brace against West Brom.

    Listen to the latest episode EPLpod right here:

  • EPLpod: Chelsea unmercifully dismantle Manchester United

    EPLpod: Chelsea unmercifully dismantle Manchester United

    I join Mike and Paul of EPLpod as we take in the weekend’s Premier League action over Skype.

    After Chelsea make sure it’s an unhappy return to Stamford Bridge for Jose Mourinho, Mike threatens to cancel EPLpod! Arsenal miss the opportunity to go top of the table after being held by Middlesbrough, Pep’s City make it 5 games without a win, while Liverpool finally get one over WBA at Anfield.

    Listen to the latest episode of EPLpod below:

  • EPLpod: Mourinho gets it badly wrong in the Manchester derby

    EPLpod: Mourinho gets it badly wrong in the Manchester derby

    Pep comes up trumps once again against old foe Jose Mourinho in the Manchester derby despite an erratic display from Claudio Bravo, Mark Hughes gets sent to the stand as Spurs run riot at Stoke, and Liverpool christen their shiny new stand by humbling Champions Leicester.

    I join Mike and Paul in the EPLpod studio as we take in an action packed weekend of football in the Premier League. Listen to the latest episode below:

  • Roll up Man United fans, get your Mourinho scarf outside Old Trafford now

    Roll up Man United fans, get your Mourinho scarf outside Old Trafford now

    Mourinho-Man-United-scarf
    Manchester United fans can really throw their support behind their team ahead of their clash with Chelsea today by buying a scarf emblazoned with Jose Mourinho’s face all over it.

    The scarves hailing Jose Mourinho as “The Special One” were spotted on sale outside Old Trafford.

  • Christmas comes early as Mourinho unwraps £12m gift after sacking

    Christmas comes early as Mourinho unwraps £12m gift after sacking

    Well, ’tis the season. After just 7 months on from winning the Premier League title, Chelsea have binned Jose Mourinho putting the manager out of his misery following a string of bad results.

    To help soften the blow, Jose Mourinho will receive a payoff in the region of £12m. Despite the sizeable sum, Roman Abramovic is now presuambly scratched off the Mourinho Christmas list.

    For Chelsea fans in mourning that “one of theirs” is no longer one of theirs, they can take comfort in the speculation surrounding the potential managers who could take the Chelsea hot seat.

    This guy has already had his feet under the table once before.
    Guus-Hiddink-Chelsea

    This guy is said to have great ‘character’.
    Brendan_rogers-cheers

    This guy….. just lol.
    Juande-Ramos-Chelsea

    And then, after a couple of years or so of interim and ill fated appointments, they can go back in for this guy. Third time lucky and all that.
    Jose Mourinho

  • Steven Gerrard’s bromance with older ‘gentleman’ is blossoming

    Steven Gerrard’s bromance with older ‘gentleman’ is blossoming

    Steven-Gerrard-Mourinho-letterSpeaking on the Clare Balding show, Steven Gerrard admitted that he has a letter from Jose Mourinho that’s framed and takes pride-of-place in his home.

    A gushing Gerrard who has turned down Mourinho’s advances on two or three occasions said of the Chelsea boss “He’s still humble enough and gentlemanly enough to write me a letter.”

    Perhaps Gerrard can be a shoulder for Jose when the he receives a letter of his own with “P45” written at the top.

    Watch Gerrard talking about his letter from Jose below.