Knowing a thing or two about being dropped on their heads, Mike and Paul from EPLpod chat about concussions as Rio Ferdinand gets set to swap heading a leather ball for a living to being punched in the head for a living.
The chaps also talk about the size of Romelu Lukaku’s penis after footballs latest brush with racism, while Barcelona players parade around in t-shirts that pay tribute to Ousmane Dembélé’s injured hamstring. #PrayForOusmane.
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Everton’s season has been thrown into chaos after a crisis meeting with senior members of the squad ended with players having to be physically separated from each other after an argument erupted over who will be responsible for ferrying Wayne Rooney back and forth to training following the former England strikers ban for drink driving.
Originally the crisis meeting was called early on Monday morning at the club’s training ground to pin point exactly how Everton have managed to be quite so shit so far this season despite an outlay of £150m on new players over the summer.
However, with players refusing to believe Everton’s woful start to the season could some how be their fault, they instead turned to drawing straws to see who would be given the undesirable task of driving around the club’s captain.
A source close to the club revealed that the meeting quickly escalated into an all out brawl when Phil Jagielka refused to accept he had been unfortunate enough to pull the short straw, accusing fellow defender Ashley Williams of rigging the draw.
Rooney, who appeared in court while the team meeting took place released a statement after he was was handed a two year driving ban and ordered to perform 100 hours of unpaid work as part of a 12-month community order.
“I want publicly to apologise for my unforgivable lack of judgment in driving while over the legal limit. It was completely wrong. Of course I accept the sentence of the court and hope that I can make some amends through my community service,” said Rooney.
It is believed Rooney is preparing an equally grovelling apology for his new chauffeur, Phil Jagielka.
After a night out painting to the town red, the massively hungover EPLpod boyz muster just about enough energy to chat about the weekends Premier League action, when both Manchester clubs flexed their muscles, Chelsea and Arsenal’s clash ended in a rather anticlimactic 0-0 draw and Crystal Palace still can’t get a win despite a change in management.
The chaps also discuss mancscaping after it was revealed Real Madrid youngster Marco Asensio was “injured” due to a infected pimple from shaving his legs.
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Mike and Paul from EPLpod weigh in on Roy Hodgson’s appointment at Crystal Palace, Liverpool’s failure to make it a clean sweep for English sides in the Champions League and what game week five has in store this weekend in the Premier League. All this while the guys try to shoot an adult jazz film. It really is god’s work.
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Eager to smash their own record of sacking a manager after just four games, Crystal Palace were busily dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s on Roy Hodgson’s termination letter on Wednesday evening.
Hodgson was appointed as the new Palace boss on Tuesday after the sacking of Dutchmen Frank de Boer who lasted a mere 77 days at the helm. Drawing up the necessary paper work to dispense with Hodgson now, rather than later, is seen a vital step if Palace are to keep up with their rate of sacking 16 managers in just 10 season.
“I am very excited to be back in club football and it is a long while since I have enjoyed the day-to-day sessions of training. That’s where I most like to be: out on the training field,” said Hodgson during his unveiling, completely oblivious to the axe slowly being hoisted above his head.
Though Hodgson has the humiliating defeat to Iceland during last summers Euro to his name, his appointment by Palace chairmen Steve Parish could be a risky one. The worry is, Hodgson could just be the dull, safe pair of hands to guide Palace to safety and ensure an extended period of time in the dug out.
However, In a move that is expected to hasten Hodgson’s Selhurst exit, the former England manager has already placed Palace’s main arial threat, Christian Benteke on corner taking duty.
In this weeks show the chaps talk about Mane’s kung fu red at City, changes to the Premier League transfer window and, if they could sub in for any player this weekend, who would it be.
In today’s episode the chaps lunge in recklessly with their feet high as they take in the weekend action which saw Liverpool given a good kicking By Manchester City after Mane imprints the sole of his boot onto Ederson face.
Elsewhere, Manchester United drop points for the first time this season at Stoke, Arsenal bounce back against struggling Bournemouth and Chelsea’s Kante comes back to haunt former club Leicester
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Having spent the best part of a decade searching high and low for the best way to avoid having to shake an opposition managers’ hand, Mark Hughes finally found an answer during Stokes’s 2-2 draw with Manchester United on Saturday.
Hughes’ exhaustive search came to end after a touchline squabble with Jose Mourinho – himself no stranger to handshake controversies. The Stoke manager first tried giving Mourinho a good shove for daring to step into his technical area. Sensing the shove wouldn’t be enough to avoid skin on skin contact at the final whistle, Hughes then told his opposite number to “fuck off.”
After the game Mourinho walked out of a BBC interview when he was asked about his refusal to shake Hughes’ hand.
“I don’t speak about stupid things, I’m too old for that, talking about stupid things is for stupid people,” fumed Mourinho.
Hughes responded in his post match interview saying: “In fairness, I have my history with handshakes. Maybe it’s me.”
A realisation that is sure to see Hughes shouting “fuck off” to anyone who dares to reach out and offer their hand to shake.
In today’s lesson: Be careful signing Arsenal players.
1. Sadio Mane’s Premier player of the month award for August was not a free pass to decapitate an opposition player.
2. Two supremely talented strikers can play together after all. Pep Guardiola proves he is a football genius after somehow managing to get Sergio Aguero and Gabriel Jesus to play the same sport, at the same time, together.
3. Removing Kevin de Bruyne from your fantasy team really wasn’t a good idea. The Belgian now has more assist than any other player since the start of last season.
4. The only thing more merciless than putting 5 past your opponent is having the gull to bring on Eliaquim Mangala with a good 20 minutes still to play.
5. Debutant Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain wasted no time in bringing everything he learned about thrashings at Arsenal to his new club.
The chaps chat about the awkward return Coutinho, Sanchez and van Dijk’s will be making at their respective clubs, Dele Alli’s one finger wave to his chum Kyle Walker and the West Ham owners who have a new unwanted nick name after a ‘cock up’ in the transfer window.
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