With the help of some suspect officiating, greedy Manchester City kept their hopes of securing a quadruple alive after coming from behind to defeat a plucky Swansea City in the FA Cup, Liverpool cling on to the title race with a narrow win over Fulham and James Maddison gets booked for paying homepage to a cancer victim.
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Fresh from winning best sports podcast in all of Canada, the EPLpod boyz chat about Kepa Arrizabalaga’s power move on “manager” Maurizio Sarri during the League Cup final, Manchester United and Liverpool boring everyone to tears and Leicester running out of patience with Claude Puel.
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The EPLpod boys discuss Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri’s future after he is left reaching for something a little stronger than cigarettes following his side’s humiliating 6-0 defeat to Manchester City at the Etihad. Elsewhere, the Premier League’s big guns pick up big wins, while Cardiff see off Saints late into injury time.
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Following Manchester United’s surprising defeat to Brighton on Sunday, Jose Mourinho has been repeatedly binge watching the Manchester City documentary All or Nothing in the hope of picking up some coaching tips from rival Pep Guardiola.
“After binge watching it just minutes after it was released I was disappointed that I didn’t feature in every single episode,” said a disheveled looking Mourinho peering over his lap top. “However, I’ve now watched the entire series from start to finish at least half a dozen times and the thing is just steeped with advice. Pep is such a motivational speaker, that there were moments I was ready to jump out of my seat and start running through walls for him. Most of my motivational techniques have centred around bullying the likes of Luke Shaw and fining Anthony Martial for being at the birth of his child and that doesn’t seemed to have helped team morale.”
If it is a motivational speaker that Mourinho is after, he may well be better off going to Sports Speakers 360. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from one of their keynote speakers.
At press time, a reinvigorated Jose Mourinho, sporting a shaven head and black roll neck sweater was heard leading a raucous rendition of Wonderwall with his squad in the United changing room.
Successful, wealthy, young footballer, Raheem Sterling has today been dropped from England’s World Cup squad after unveiling a tattoo of Peppa Pig dangerously close to his navel.
The talented Sterling revealed the controversial tattoo with a picture on his instagram account accompanied by the caption: “Much luv to lil peppa ❤️❤️❤️?”
Sterling, who has just enjoyed the most productive season in his career and to whom much of England’s hopes rest upon, had hoped his Peppa Pig tattoo would help temper the controversy from a gun tattoo he revealed earlier in the week.
However, his latest swine inspired ink seems to have backfired spectacularly, adding to an obscene list of gaffes including; daring to eat breakfast, not washing his car and flying on a budget online. Rightfully, condemnation was as swift as it was brutal with UK tabloids piling in on the Grenfell Tower donating Sterling, forcing the FA to act.
“The gun was one thing, but a tattoo of a cartoon pig is sinking to a whole new level,” said Daily Mail ‘journalist’ Trevor Thickett. “What if Sterling scores a goal in Russia and whips off his top revealing this disgraceful, oinking tattoo to a global audience? Kids will be watching, and they will think that it’s suddenly ok to laugh at all the pigs that have fallen victim to foot and mouth disease. If I had it my way we would skewer him on a spit roast, but I guess we’ll have to settle for crushing his dreams of leading England to glory.”
Though it appears that Sterling’s hope of featuring in Russia are now over, Three Lions manager Gareth Southgate has left the door slightly ajar. Sources within the England camp revealed hearing Southgate say that should Sterling have the offending tattoo seared off with a cattle brand using no anaesthesia, he would consider putting him back on the plane to Russia.
The Premier League says goodbye to Arsene Wenger and Stoke, newly crowned champions Manchester City are held to a goalless draw as Huddersfield claim a vital point in their bid for survival, while Chelsea and Liverpool keep the top four interesting.
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After taking the wind out of Manchester City’s sails last weekend, Jose Mourinho restores normality by bring the most underwhelming of climaxes to the Premier League season with a 1-0 home defeat to bottom of the table WBA handing the title to worthy champions City, Mark Hughes’ Southampton concede three goals for a third time in a row as they surrender a two goal lead to Chelsea while Palace clinch a vital win in their fight for survival.
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Manchester City fans were left consoling one another in a pool of tears after United’s miraculous recovery in the Manchester derby put title celebrations on hold, the Merseyside derby turns into a lacklustre training exercise, while the real action in the Premier League heats up at the foot of the table as sorry Palace drop points late on yet again.
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Spurs win their first Premier League game at Stamford Bridge this century as Dele Alli’s double sinks Chelsea and provides a timely reminder to England boss Gareth Southgate, Manchester City edge closer to the title after a dominate display against Everton, while West Ham leave Southampton deep in relegation trouble.
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Spurs’ Champions League dreams come to and end at Wembley as Juventus show their maturity, Manchester City and Liverpool qualify for the quarter-finals at a canter while Arsenal’s season hangs by a thread as they prepare for their clash with AC Milan.
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