Tag: Lionel Messi

  • 10,000 kids go hungry as Messi refuses to score in World Cup

    10,000 kids go hungry as Messi refuses to score in World Cup

    Having been all but promised their first square meal since the last corporate marketing ploy to come their way, thousands of children were left with rumbling stomachs after Lionel Messi did everything he could to avoid scoring a goal during Argentina’s opening World Cup game against Iceland on Saturday.

    Mastercard, who have vowed to donate 10,000 meals to starving children across Latin America and the Caribbean on the strict condition that either Messi or Brazil’s Neymar score during the tournament have insisted their hands are well and truly tied. The financial conglomerate argued there is nothing they can do if Messi refuses to score and that they couldn’t possibly just give the meals away despite having the financial means to do so as it wouldn’t provide the brand reach executives demand.

    “We really want to feed the children but there is nothing, I repeat nothing we can do if Messi goes out of his way to not score a goal. Did you see his penalty? A malnourished child could have saved that. Our only hope now is that Neymar doesn’t follow Messi’s dreadful example. If that happens then all these hot meals we’ve prepared will have gone to waste and we’ll be left with no choice but to let them rot. And who’s going to tell that to the starving children? Not me,” said a Mastercard spokesperson as he wolfed down a 12inch sub. “The children, and more importantly our branding team, will just have to make do with seeing our corporate tag line ‘priceless’ being positioned on advertising hoardings behind Messi throughout the rest of the World Cup.”

    Messi who at the time of publishing has declined to comment on the story despite Eat My Goal reaching out to him on several occasions, was last seen during a solo training session which involved him purposefully drilling free kicks into a four man wall and skying penalties clean over the crossbar.

  • Ronaldo miles ahead of Messi in tax evasion stakes

    Ronaldo miles ahead of Messi in tax evasion stakes

    Ronaldo miles ahead of Messi in tax evasion stakes

    Posted by Eat My Goal on Wednesday, 14 June 2017

  • Messi jail sentence could spark transfer battle between prison teams

    Messi jail sentence could spark transfer battle between prison teams

    Lionel Messi has likely put prison football teams across Spain on red alert after seeing his appeal against tax fraud rejected by Spain’s Supreme Court on Wednesday, throwing his Barcelona future into uncertainty.

    Messi and his old man Jorge were found guilty last July on three counts of tax fraud between 2007 and 2009 to the tune of 4.1 million euros on image rights and were sentenced to 21 months in prison by a Catalan court.

    Speaking during his trial back in 2016 Messi remained tight lipped over his future. “I only worried about playing football,” grumbled the Argentine which has been taken as a ‘come and get me plea’ by prison teams.

    Lucrative prison deals are now reportedly being drawn up which could include unlimited commissary, 24 hour screening of Barca TV and private shower access.

    However, don’t expect to see Messi ditching the claret and blue stripes of Barcelona for the prison black and white any time soon. As, under Spanish law, sentences under two years can be served under probation.

  • Barcelona 0-0 Juventus: 5 things you should’ve learned

    Barcelona 0-0 Juventus: 5 things you should’ve learned

    In today’s lesson: Lightening never strikes twice. Never.

    1. The second leg was a complete waste of everyones time. Juventus have’t conceded a goal in 8 of their previous Champions League game let alone conceding at least three goals in one. They’ve now gone nearly 9 hours without conceding in the Champions League. What were you expecting from the Italians?

    2. You know you are in trouble when Dani Alves is doing this to your bench before a ball is even kicked.

    3. Lionel Messi spent part of the match trying to recreate Robbie Fowler’s infamous ‘white lines’ goal celebration. The rest of the time he was carelessly firing shots high and wide, only finding the target on one occasion out of 7 attempts. Perhaps there was more than just paint in those lines on the Camp Nou pitch.

    Messi has a great deal to learn.

    4. If Buffon decides to knock it on the head and hang up his gloves at the end of this season, he will do so having never conceded a goal to Lionel Messi.

    5. Neymar was blubbering like a baby at the final whistle. Good job he had a team mate on hand to help mop up the tears.


    “There, there. Tell Dani all about it.”

  • Lionel Messi escapes puking on Bolivian pitch with timely ban

    Lionel Messi escapes puking on Bolivian pitch with timely ban

    Just six hours before kick off, Lionel Messi received the news that he won’t be forced to play football at a nausiating airplane altitude in Bolivia, after being handed a four match ban for some potty mouthed behaviour directed at an assistant referee during Argentina’s previous game against Chile.

    The Last time Argentina played in La Paz Bolivia, Messi ended up throwing up on the pitch while team-mate Angel di Maria was left grasping for the oxygen tank as they scraped a 1-1 draw.

    Messi sick on the pitch in Bolivia
    Messi doing his bit to fertilise the pitch in Bolivia

    Speaking after that World Cup qualifier back in 2014 Messi said: “It is terrible to play here at altitude, so a draw is a good result for us. Every time you make an effort or play at high pace, you need time to recover. Some of the players had a headache and others felt a bit dizzy, but there was nothing wrong with me,” insisted the Argentinian as he wiped away an orange coloured substance from the side of his mouth.

    In addition to the four match ban Messi was also slapped with a fine of 10,000 swiss francs by FIFA. A small price to pay to avoid the taste of stomach acid in the back of your throat.

  • Karamoko Dembele: The next Messi or the next Freddy Adu?

    Karamoko Dembele: The next Messi or the next Freddy Adu?


    Freddy Adu, Cherno Samba, Sonny Pike, Tonton Zola Moukoko. If those names are familiar to you, it’s likely because of one unified reason: They were all touted as the next best young thing to strut their stuff on a football pitch but ultimately never came close to living up to the hype. Unless that is, you were playing Football Manager. Then Cherno Samba would have been getting all the headlines.

    Step up Karamoko Dembele, the latest teenage prodigy to be hyped up to dizzying heights before he’s barely had a chance to come up with excuses for not doing his homework.

    Having made a splash a couple of weeks back when the 13-year-old made his debut for Celtic’s under 20’s, Dembele’s ascension continued after being called up Scotland’s under 16 for the prestigious Victory Shield yesterday.

    Will Dembele be the next big thing? Nobody can answer that because the kid is 13-years-old for christ sake!

    However, judging by the video below, it will be fun watching his progress….
    https://youtu.be/uUGYxpdTEzk

  • Fan footage of another inch perfect free kick from Messi

    Fan footage of another inch perfect free kick from Messi

    Messi-celebrating-free-kick-Espanyol
    Lionel Messi has given Barcelona a vital lead against Espanyol in the race for the La Liga title. Just one point separates Barcelona, Real Madrid and Atletico with only one game remaining.

    Messi fired in his trademark free kick in the 8th minute which has been captured from mutiple angles by fans in the Camp Nou.

    Check out the best videos of Messi’s beauty of a free kick below.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BFJvrw7IZSB/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BFJu_nwRXay/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BFJu_DfMZPN/