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Mike and Paul from EPLpod take in the weeks Champions League action which sees all the Premier League clubs looking down on the rest of Europe as they sit atop their respective groups. The chaps also discuss Mike Ashley trying to flog Newcastle United for about the umpteen time.
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In a defiant move following the race scandal currently sweeping through football’s governing body, the FA has today announced that all its board members will wear a white T-shirt depicting an image of Chief Executive Martin Glenn on the front with his name on the back during their next meeting as a sign of unity.
The controversial decision to the wear T-shirts came after the FA was forced into giving a humiliating apology to Eniola Aluko and Drew Spence following new evidence that showed sacked England’s women’s boss Mark Sampson had made racist remarks to the pair despite previous denials.
During a parliamentary inquiry, Glenn remained insistent that there was no way an organisation run almost exclusively by middle-aged white men over the past 150 years of it’s existence could possibly be institutional racist.
However, Glenn accepted the FA had failed in its duty of care to players. “Based on new evidence submitted to independent barrister Katharine Newton, she has now found that they were both subject to discriminatory remarks made by an FA employee. This is not acceptable,” said Glenn as he tried one of the freshly pressed T-shirts on for size.
The FA have so far refused to state on how many occasions they plan to wear the T-shirts, but they did deny that T-shirts would be made for sale on the official FA website.
In a last ditch effort to finally sell Newcastle United before Christmas, owner Mike Ashley chucked the club into the nearest Sport Direct clearance bin on Monday evening.
Such is Ashley’s desperation to rid himself of the club he’s been puking up in for the past 10 years, he is offering potential suiters the opportunity to stagger payments over time, an unprecedented move never before witnessed at a Sports Direct outlet.
Having overseen two relegations and successfully made enemies with everyone in the North East who isn’t a Sunderland fan, this will be the third time Ashley has tried to flog the club.
“Do I regret getting into football?” spluttered Ashley as he gulped down another pint of Tennents. “The answer is yes. I have had tonnes of fun in it but I haven’t been able to make the difference I wanted to in football.”
The billionaire ‘power drinker’ sighted his frustration at not being able to pay footballers below the minimum wage, refusal by some staff members to comply with strip searches after each and every game and Rafa Benitez continually beating him to the last slice of pie in the canteen as the reasons for putting the club up for sale.
Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has signalled his intentions to take up a life on the road once his football career is finally over after revealing he is studiously working on his bus drivers licence.
The news came after his sides mind numbingly boring 0-0 draw with rivals Liverpool at Anfield on Saturday, in what was another brilliant example of Jose’s bus parking skills. Since his appointment at Old Trafford in 2016 Mourinho’s United have registered less than a goal a game on average against the leagues big 6, and could muster only a single shot on target against Liverpool on the weekend.
But none of those damning stats have proved to be of any interest to Mourinho, who is instead fully focused on the task at hand: getting his leather driving gloves on a category D licence at the earliest possible opportunity.
“For me, the second half was a game of chess but my opponent didn’t open the door for me to win the game,” shrugged Mourinho as he practiced reversing his bus into another tight parking space for the 15th time of the day.
Such is Mourinho’s determination to get behind the big wheel, he could be on the verge of turning down a new bumper deal which would see his salary swell to over £15m a year. The pay cut would be a price Mourinho is willing to pay if it means he can pursue his dream of swapping stadium dugouts for motorway service stations sooner rather than later.
Mike and Paul from EPLpod chat with David Conn of The Guardian on his new book, The Fall of the House of FIFA.
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Mike and Paul from EPLpod round up the the international fixtures which saw big hitters Holland and Chile miss out on World Cup qualification as well as the US. The guys also preview this weekends Premier League games including Liverpool vs Manchester United. Hold on to your hats!
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A dejected England have been forced to admit that their hopes of winning a first World Cup since 1966 are over before the squad even set foot on a plane to Russia, after minnows Iceland booked their place in next Summer’s competition.
Iceland, despite having a population of around 335,000 – the smallest nation to ever qualify for the World Cup – are still thought to be more than capable of cobbling together 11 players that will easily brush aside anything England’s 53m strong population can produce.
Usually renowned for its majestic scenery (which you can experience if you visit https://www.rent.is/) rather than football, Iceland has never been one of the biggest teams in world football. But when England are involved, they certainly turn up for the occasion.
The crushing blow came after Iceland sealed their place in Russia with a 2-0 win over Kosovo. The result was said to have struck fear amongst the England squad, causing nightmarish flashbacks of the teams humiliating defeat to Iceland at Euro 2016. And, not even Southgate’s desperate switch to an in vogue back three, or having Ballon d’Or nominee Harry Kane amongst his ranks have tempered the panic rippling through the squad.
Speaking after Iceland’s qualification, manager Heimir Hallgrimsson laid out exactly what England will be up against when the two sides inevitably meet in the knock out stages. “This is really odd, I don’t know what to say. I mean … Pelé, Maradona, Aron Einar Gunnarsson,” roared Hallgrimsson.
Following the devastating news, a defeated Southgate’s is rumoured to be ready to step down, while England can only hope that Iceland don’t qualify for Euro 2020.
Mike and Paul from EPLpod chat to Gwendolyn Oxenham, author of Under the Lights and In the Dark: Untold Stories of Women’s Soccer.
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With intricate lines and intelligent overlapping that England’s football team could only ever dream of, Origami is set to become the nations official sport ahead of both cricket and football.
The surprise announcement came during England’s drab 1-0 win over Slovenia at Wembley yesterday evening, when a carefully crafted paper airplane elegantly sashayed its way down from the half empty stands, beyond a rooted to the spot Joe Hart and into the back of net which was met with a rapturous roar of approval from the dozing home faithful. In stark contrast, Harry Kane’s stoppage time winner and confirmation of England’s qualification for next summer’s World Cup received only ironic cheers from the Origami ultras.
Speaking after the game, England manager Gareth Southgate refused to promise anything is likely to change over the coming months and conceded Origami was now the countries main focus of attention.
“Tonight highlighted where we are. We are not going to become Spain in the next eight months,” grumbled Southgate, vindicating the publics decision to ditch watching England’s beige brand of football and instead focus on the slightly less tedious activity of meticulously folding bits of paper.
Noting that origami won’t be to every football fans taste, the newly formed Origami Association said there are plenty of alternatives to keep them occupied during the World Cup including: unplugging your tv, watching paint dry and literally anything else.
Mike and Paul the EPLpod boyz chat about pizza tossing, Roy Keane’s advice on avoiding serious head injuries, and just how pretty Olivier Giroud is. All this and so much more, in the latest episode of EPLpod.
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