Eat My Goal

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  • Edwin van der Sar comes out of retirement, saves penalty for boyhood club

    Edwin van der Sar comes out of retirement, saves penalty for boyhood club

    Edwin-van-der-Sar-Noordwijk-penatly-save
    Presumably life after football is proving to be far too boring for former Manchester United stopper Edwin van der Sar, who, at the age of 45, laced up for his former amateur side Noordwijk vs Jodan Boys on Saturday.

    In the one-off game, van der Sar proved their is still some spring in his legs after he repelled a penalty drilled down low to his left. There was a healthy show of arrogance as well from the Dutchman, as he used one of the oldest tricks in the book, after pointing in the direction the penalty taker should place his shot.

    As you can in the video, the trick did enough to put the penalty taker off.

  • Man City fans urge Villa to sign up a pigeon

    Man City fans urge Villa to sign up a pigeon

    pigeon-Villa
    With Aston Villa rooted to the foot of the table, and being on the receiving end of another drubbing at the Eithad, some Manchester City fans have stepped in with a recruitment idea that could save the beleaguered Midlands club.

    4-0 down and starring down the barrel of yet another defeat, a pigeon went through his stretches before making his way on to the pitch. Man City fans, clearly alarmed with the obvious talent the pigeon possessed, dished out some ridicule by chanting “You fat pigeon” before giving their full endorsement by insisting Villa sign him up.

    Villa are said to be monitoring the situation vey closely, and are likely to ‘swoop’ in imminently.

    Could Villa’s season take ‘flight’ with this signing. Make your own mind up by watching the video below.

  • North London derby ‘kicks off’ early as Spurs & Arsenal fans clash

    North London derby ‘kicks off’ early as Spurs & Arsenal fans clash

    SPurs-fan-blood

    It all got a bit hairy outside White Hart Lane ahead of the North London derby on Saturday morning as Spurs and Arsenal fans had a bit of rumble.

    It may be 2016, but grown up men are still feeling the urge to knock lumps out of each other to honour the 11 millionaires who chase a ball about in their teams colours.

    You’d think, with the high chances of being captured on a phone and uploaded to the interwebs people might be put off from practicing their newly learned MMA moves. But, as you can see in the footage below they’re more than willing.

    [fbvideo link=”https://www.facebook.com/CasualUltra/videos/1204139662949388/” width=”750″ height=”500″ onlyvideo=”1″]

  • Fan footage of Juan Mata’s glorious late winning free kick vs Watford

    Fan footage of Juan Mata’s glorious late winning free kick vs Watford

    Juan-Mata-free-kick-Watford
    Manchester United left it late to pinch all three points vs Watford following a brilliant free kick from Juan Mata.

    With 83 minutes on the clock, and Watford looking to have claimed a spirited point at Old Trafford, Mata had other ideas and rifled in a free kick from 25 yards out that flew past the Watford keeper.

    The late winner puts United on 47 points, level with cross-town rivals City who suffered a Cup hangover after being swept aside 3-0 by Liverpool at Anfield.

    Watch fan footage of Juan Mata’s free kick in the videos below.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BCd28guzG7S/?tagged=mata


    https://www.instagram.com/p/BCd3FodQAmc/?tagged=mata

  • Fan footage of another stunning free kick from Lionel Messi

    Fan footage of another stunning free kick from Lionel Messi

    Messi-free-kick-Barca-Sevilla
    Lionel Messi pulled Barcelona level against Sevilla with yet another stunning free kick at the Camp Nou on Sunday evening.

    Sevilla had taken the lead through Vitolo after 20 minutes, but Messi equalised with an unstoppable free kick that arrowed into the top corner before haft time.

    Watch fan footage of Messi’s free kick in the videos below.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BCV_s0boZVr/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BCV79_eHTGM/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BCV-WNHkX_S/

  • “I want my players to be horny” Louis van Gaal is bringing sexy football back

    “I want my players to be horny” Louis van Gaal is bringing sexy football back

    Louis-van-gaal-horny
    When I first saw this interview, I thought I had either misheard Louis van Gaal, or the United manager was having a problem with pronunciation. Juan Mata’s response however confirmed van Gaal does indeed motivate his players by asking them to be horny. Does he want them to shoot adult content for sites like tubev sex after the match too?! It is extremely pleasant to see a man of Louis Van Gaal’s age be so willing to talk about sexual desires and urges especially in such a public space. If he has truly embraced the modern way, then it would come as no surprise to see Van Gaal purchase individual sex machines for his entire squad with their individual pleasure in mind. Of course, a man of Mr Van Gaal’s age will be well aware of how these machines have changed over the past few decades. The technological advancement is something we take for granted in the modern age. This modern technology that can cover all manner of horniness can now be hooked up to adult websites like mature sex movies (https://www.maturesexmovies.xxx/) to make the sexual experience even more immersive so their footballers can really get in the mood.

    Whilst it is still slightly unclear what Van Gaal means, my interpretation is that he wants them to play with a desire and hunger that will make sure they win every game, regardless of the opponent and how much they want to win. I’m not sure how he plans on making his players horny, but perhaps he could point them towards https://www.live121chat.com/? That makes most men horny!

    Manchester United play Midtjylland in the second leg of their Europa League tie tomorrow evening. The Danish side should be very concerned.

    Watch Louis van Gaal’s horny interview below.

  • Fan footage of Messi ending Arsenal’s Champions League hopes from the spot

    Fan footage of Messi ending Arsenal’s Champions League hopes from the spot

    Messi-Arsenal
    Flamini is already being made the fall guy after Arsenal’s seemingly inevitable loss to Barcelona, but lets be honest the damage was already done following the lightening fast counter that opened the scoring for the Catalans.

    That said, a combination of a poor clearance/heavy touch from Per Mertesacker and Mathieu Flamini’s clumsiness made absolutely sure that any hopes of turning the tie around at Camp Nou were thoroughly dashed.

    Lionel Messi took full advantage of Arsenal’s generosity bagging himself a brace from the spot and all but sealing the tie in the first leg.

    Watch fan footage of Messi’s composed penalty below.

  • Arsenal cut open by lethal Barcelona counter attack

    Arsenal cut open by lethal Barcelona counter attack

    Messi-goal-Arsenal
    Just when Arsenal dared to think they might actually be able to score a goal past Barcelona, they lose possession deep in opposition terrirtory and within a few seconds their Champions League tie was all but over.

    Neymar to Suarez, Suarez to Neymar, Neymar to Messi – Goal.

    Watch Barcelona’s breathless counter attack goal below.

  • Should Juan Mata’s crafty free kick vs Shrewsbury stood?

    Should Juan Mata’s crafty free kick vs Shrewsbury stood?

    Juan-Mata-free-kick-Man-United-Shrewsbury
    Manchester United put the embarrassment of losing to Danish side Midtjylland last week with a comfortable 3-0 win over Shrewsbury in the FA Cup on Monday night.

    Unlikely goal scorer and captain on the night, Chris Smalling set United on their way before Juan Mata all but killed of any chances of a cup upset with a tasty free kick at the stroke of half time.

    However, there were some offside shenanigans committed by United as Juan Mata stroked home his free kick. Three United players stood in an offside position, forming a wall behind the Shrewsbury wall to block the keepers view. The trick worked a treat, and at this point, I’m going to have to admit that I’ve given up understanding the offside rule.

    However this guy has given his take on it, and if anybody should know he should.

    Watch United’s dodgy free kick below.

  • Yes, you do need to see Steven Fletcher’s Marseille initiation

    Yes, you do need to see Steven Fletcher’s Marseille initiation

    Steven-Fletcher-initiation-Fresh-Prince
    If football has found a better use of digital technology I’m yet to see it. In one of the odder moves during the January transfer window Steven Fletcher lucked out with a move to the South of France and today a video of his initiation at Marseille was posted in all it’s glory.

    From now on all initiations should be recorded and published through social media immediately after a contract is signed. Before even the obligatory first interview in which players claimed to have “always dreamed” of playing for the club.

    Try not to cringe through Steven ‘Fresh Prince’ Fletcher’s initiation below.