Ben Teague


Sarri team talks consist of nothing but him chain smoking

Speaking with horse voices consistent with that of someone who has been ovely exposed to passive smoking, a number of Chelsea players have revealed...

Man United fans already queuing for post-defeat selfies with Ronaldo

Upon hearing that Manchester United will be hosting Juventus’ Cristiano Ronaldo in the group stage of the Champions League, eager fans have already started...

Mourinho desperately binge watching Man City documentary for coaching tips

Following Manchester United’s surprising defeat to Brighton on Sunday, Jose Mourinho has been repeatedly binge watching the Manchester City documentary All or Nothing in...

Kane injured for season after poking eye out doing Alli celebration

Harry Kane is expected to miss the entire season after his attempts to try and do the Dele Alli goal celebration went horribly wrong,...

Emery out airplane banner fuelled up and ready to go says pilot

In anticipation to Arsenal fans quickly turning on their new manager Unai Emery, airplane banner operator Ted Spruce already has an #EmeryOut banner prepared...

The Eat My Goal Premier League predictions to bet your house on*

You've heard what the all expert pundits have to say but now it's time to get serious. Here are the essential Eat My Goal...

Revealed: Chelsea’s transfer policy based entirely on players names fitting their positions after Kepa...

After announcing the £71m signing of Spanish goal keeper Kepa Arrizabalaga, Chelsea Chairmen Bruce Buck has admitted that all future signings will only be...

2018 Russia World Cup: Ruthless France end Croatia’s dream

VAR, bizarre goals, Pussy Riot pitch invasion, a down pour. Didier Deschamps' France show their superiority in an eventful final as they lift the...

Report: Beer throwing figures through the roof during England games

A report published on Friday conducted by the office of national statistics for alcohol consumption has revealed that beer throwing figures during England’s matches...

10,000 kids go hungry as Messi refuses to score in World Cup

Having been all but promised their first square meal since the last corporate marketing ploy to come their way, thousands of children were left...


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