Sarri team talks consist of nothing but him chain smoking

    Speaking with horse voices consistent with that of someone who has been ovely exposed to passive smoking, a number of Chelsea players have revealed that new manager Maurizio Sarri’s team talks consist solely of him chain smoking.

    “Previously we’ve had managers who focus heavily on tactics during team talks. Conte for example would talk through what seemed like an entire novel and wouldn’t ever shut up. But Sarri is a man of few words. Instead he sends his messages through his smoking. If we aren’t performing well he’ll let us know by aggressively chain smoking 20 cigarettes during a half time talk. But if we’re winning and putting on a good display, he’ll sit back, put his feet up and make a single cigarette last for the entire break without even have to flick the ash,” spluttered Eden Hazard.

    So far Sarri’s smoke signals appear to be working with Chelsea maintaining a 100% record from their opening four Premier League games. However, Sarri was tight lipped after Chelsea’s win over Bournemouth and spent his entire post match interview chewing on a mouthful of cigarette butts.